Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing

by Jay Stringer

Publisher:

NavPress

, 2018

Overview

More than 100,000 copies sold

“Without rival, the best book on broken sexuality I have ever read.” ―Dan B. Allender, PhD

Many of us feel ashamed and undesirable after years of sexual brokenness and addiction. The guilt and stigma surrounding sexual struggles can paralyze us and keep us from seeking help and healing. Author Jay Stringer approaches these sensitive subjects with gentleness and understanding as he shows the way to restoration.

Based on original research from over 3,800 men and women, Unwanted is a groundbreaking resource that explores the “why” behind self-destructive sexual choices to help readers work towards freedom. Addressing difficult issues with compassionate insight, this book discusses:

• Abandonment and broken relationships
• Trauma and sexual abuse
• The sex industry and pornography
• Violence against women
• Learning to love and care for yourself
• Healthy conflict and repair in your relationships
• Investing in community
• Creating healthy boundaries

A perfect resource for those seeking self-help or those working to minister to the sexually broken people around them, Unwanted offers life-changing, practical guidance rooted in clinical evidence and a Christian perspective to light the way on a path to wholeness.

“If you’re hungry for deep healing or searching for practical ways to help others heal . . . this will be an incredibly sharp tool in your tool belt!” ―Shannon Ethridge, MA, author of Every Woman’s Battle

“Unwanted demonstrates a depth of insight and wisdom that I found stunning! It will truly help many come out of their shame and finally be free.” ―Dr. Ted Roberts, cofounder of Pure Desire Ministries

“Unwanted is a courageous, insightful work that will undoubtedly equip many on the journey to freedom.” ―Dr. Juli Slattery, cofounder of Authentic Intimacy and author of Rethinking Sexuality

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Contents

Top Highlights

“If you want to understand why you are addicted to something, you have to understand the conditions that keep your addiction in place.” (source)

“Unwanted sexual behavior is any sexual behavior that continues to persist in our lives despite our best efforts to change it.” (source)

“Your sexual struggles reveal your wounds, but they also reveal the trafficked longings of your heart.” (source)

“‘If we fail to engage the ways we were sexualized in the past, we leave open the high probability that these patterns will become more pronounced in the future.’ Sexual struggles reveal the truth of our stories in ways that will constantly surprise us.” (source)

“The specifics of your sexual brokenness can reveal your unique way to healing.” (source)

Praise for Unwanted

Unwanted is, without rival, the best book on broken sexuality I have ever read. It is heartbreaking and hope-restoring, and with immense kindness, it proceeds to where most work stalls and refuses to enter. Jay’s research is groundbreaking. No one has pursued these dark waters with as much light-offering, data-bound research. Even more, Jay offers the heart of the gospel in a manner that doesn’t trivialize sin or addiction but lifts the battle up to the ambivalence we have about freedom. This book will be a classic that anchors us in brilliant research, soul honesty, and biblical reflection.

Over the past twenty-five years of ministry, I’ve witnessed many men and women floundering in a sea of hopelessness due to their own (or a spouse’s) sexual brokenness. That’s why I’m so excited about and grateful for Jay’s work in the field of sexual addiction and restoration. If you’re hungry for deep healing, or searching for practical ways to help others heal from unhealthy emotional entanglements and sexual dysfunction, Unwanted will be an incredibly sharp tool in your tool belt!

Jay Stringer’s Unwanted demonstrates a depth of insight and wisdom that I found stunning! I have been counseling men and women in the church who are battling with sexual brokenness for over thirty years and have written fifteen books on the subject. Yet I found Jay’s grasp of the subject profound, and the graphic illustrations he used to summarize various points were worth the price of the book alone. It will truly help many come out of their shame and finally find freedom. Stringer is a top gun, and I would fly with him into combat anytime!

As bleak as the landscape of sexual brokenness may appear, God always raises up his people to proclaim a path to healing and redemption. Jay Stringer is one of those voices. Unwanted is a courageous, insightful work that challenges us to look beyond the what into the why of our sexual sin. This book will undoubtedly equip many on the journey to freedom.

Unwanted’s breakthrough research into the origins of sexual brokenness convincingly shows why tips and techniques to combat it have failed to lead to the freedom we desire and are designed to enjoy. Unwanted is a life-giving room of grace where all of us can find relief from the heartache of sexual shame. Jay Stringer invites you to know your story and dare to believe that you will be loved more—not less—for what it reveals. The culture, including the church, has needed this book for decades. Thousands will experience God’s kindness and healing through it.

If sexuality is anything, it’s complicated! This thing that involves our whole selves—body, mind, spirit—this thing that can compel our behavior but is also shaped by our habits. In Unwanted, Jay Stringer shines a spotlight on one important aspect of our sexual lives—our personal history, particularly the way our sexuality intersects with our brokenness over time. By inviting us to be compassionate with ourselves and curious about our story, he helps us to look beyond the shame and embarrassment that so often deaden us and toward real, authentic, healthy ways of relating to ourselves, our loved ones, our community, and even God.

A thorough theoretical framework and nuanced vocabulary are critical tools when dealing with unwanted sexual desires, thoughts, attitudes, and behaviors. Even with these, the journey to persevere requires real stories of personal discovery and hope. In Unwanted, Jay Stringer not only provides a set of tools to understand these matters but also offers a story and vision for those who find themselves in dark places.

Wow. This book is a weapon for freedom and flourishing in a world bombarded with sexual pain and brokenness. If you are tired of the blame-and-shame methods filled with guilt and fear around sex, Jay offers a life-changing alternative: restored sexual wholeness and flourishing. Sex is good? Indeed. Refreshingly honest and humble, Jay refuses avoidance and despair around the most painful oppression of our time. Using a divine strategy with incredible skill, Jay enters our brokenness and finds the keys to our sexual freedom and wholeness within the depth of our pain. Get this book. Read this book. Let the healing and freedom come.

Unwanted enters the heartache of sexual brokenness and reveals the deepest longings within us for redemption. Recognizing how evil seeks to misdirect our longings, Jay illuminates how even our sin can reveal important truths about ourselves and our unique path to redemption. Through groundbreaking research and a heart for the Gospel, Stringer invites us to the critical task of finding hope and meaning within our sexual lives. It clearly shows how Christ invites us to depth of desire, not death of desire.

Unwanted changes the conversation on sexual brokenness for this generation of believers. Jay Stringer engages the “why” beneath our sexual shame with groundbreaking research and the wisdom of a counselor.

Sexual brokenness is the most significant and under addressed topic affecting men today. Jay’s work opens the door to a new conversation for all of us who need language to talk about it more transparently. Jay’s powerful research and clinical insights show how our earliest stories plant seeds that go on to hold tremendous power over us in our adult lives. Unwanted is going to lead you to an understanding of your life that can guide you to freedom.

Jay Stringer is one of those rare leaders whose life will leave an indelible mark on generations to come. In his book, Unwanted, there’s an incredible convergence of story, science and theology that makes it so accessible it becomes transformational. It is the most impactful treatise I’ve ever read on how to understand that our pain and brokenness is actually a pathway to full healing and restoration. I’m convinced that Unwanted addresses the source of sexual brokenness in our world. If we want to see our hearts restored and dismantle the forces that seek to ruin the beauty of sex, this book will be our roadmap.

Product Details

• Title : Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing
• Author: Stringer, Jay
• Publisher: NavPress
• Publication Date: 2018
• ISBN: 9781631466748